Chicken Eucharist

This is probably the most pseudo-intellectual work I've ever put into a blog. It's a theory I've had for years, but never got around to fully developing, internet style. The theory rests on the assumption that black people love fried chicken. I take this to be an obvious statement. The other statement that I assume to be true is that white people like to make black people do what they want.

I noticed quite a few years ago, that many fried chicken places had religious sounding names. I could never account for Lee's Famous Recipe, other than to maybe remind black people of the Confederate War and their former status as slaves. KFC is also apparently unaffiliated, as the Colonel was not a reverend as I thought, but just an honorary military dude and salesman. The others; however, are a little unnerving.

Take for example, Chick-Fil-A. The name appears to be fairly kitschy but unoffensive. I prefer to pronounce the A as an "Ahh" sound, but that's a separate issue. Their spelling is atrocious, which is probably an attempt to reach out to the less educated groups who grew up with Play-Skool toys and now want to eat Chikn. Getting to the religious end, did you know that Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays? The owner is a devout baptist who teaches Sunday school and encourages his employees to attend church. So...what are black people going to do when they go to the local Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday and they can't get any chicken? Go to church, of course, what else can you do if there's no chicken?

Church's chicken is another prime example. According to wikipedia, the founder of the chain had the last name Church, but I find that to be preposterous. This guy agrees with me, and who knows, maybe he is more reliable than wikipedia. He seems to think he is. Church's is now actually a part of the same parent company that owns Popeye's.

Don't even get me started on Popeye's. First of all, I love that place. It's the best chicken coon by ya eatery (or whatever), if you take all matters into consideration. Apparently there is one only 7 miles from my house. I thought for sure the closest one would be on Cleveland Avenue. I may just go there tomorrow. They have the most incredible mashed potatoes with little bits of delicious artery-clogging goodness in the Cajun gravy. They also have some spicy honey mustard which has a delightfully Katrina-ish name like Mardi Gras mustard or something like that.

Anyway, please just look at the name Popeye's. The way it's written in their logo makes it even a little more obvious what they are getting at. Pope Yes. Say yes to the pope. Honor him and kiss his ring by eating our chicken. They claim to have named the restaurant after a character in a movie, not even after the cartoon character. Then later on they used the cartoon sailor in their advertisements. Now they're back to pretending they don't have no affiliations with nobody. Whatever. Just keep eating chicken and praising Jesus/cheese sauce and no one will start a lynch mob, Tiger Woods.

There's even a rumors on the internet that the KKK owns Church's chicken and puts in ingredients to cause sterility in black men. Although there is no proof to this, I would say their plan failed. Just ask Fantasia. B A B Y M A M A.

Eating chicken= taking part in the Eucharist, as far as some of these places are concerned. The body of Christ contains zero calories though, so eat up!

I think we should get Popeye's to sponsor our black movie, so I can have an excuse to eat Popeye's every day while the movie is made.